February 14, 2008

Murder and Chocolate Hearts

Um wow. Soooo. A lot has changed since that last post. Too much too really update but I can try and sum up.

1. I stopped living inside my head.

2. I stopped constantly fretting about what people thought of me.

3. I got married, had 50 kids and started a baby farm where a genetic cow fought it’s way past my security system to plant a stick of dynamite in my oven so the farm blew up and when it did I discovered oil and am now a bazillionire.

HA! Lies. Well just that last one. But I do admit that I super suck for once again not updating a blog. BUT my few and probably not real readers, I have been posting blogs some where else. Some where else called myspace.

Don’t judge me. People actually comment there. SO HA!


Now I have always scoffed at this day because it’s based on a horribly over-dramatized story of a martyred catholic priest and I never could find the connection between murder and chocolate hearts. Well, I take that back. If you take away my chocolate, you could find yourself in a hole someone where, obeying my command of putting some lotion in a basket due to a threat of a hose. BUT really, I know the holiday is a sham and turns couples into this overly mushy, obnoxious plague to be avoided at all cost and sends single people into a spiral of doom and running towards the nearest bar. But, for once, I do not belong in either of these categories. Yes, I have a Valentine.

Absorb what typed there please, because it’s taking me a while as well.

Me. Spastic Sally. Has. A. Valentine.

Now this is a new thing so I don’t know if we’re a “we” (ha! irony we’re a we…ok nevermind) in a relationship sense but we’re not horribly mushy and while I’m big on chocolate, I rather DECREASE the size of my ass so none shall be given. Flowers are pretty buy I’ve never been a big fan of killing things because I still carry the guilt of killing my little bamboo plant (shhhhhhhhh I know it’s hard to kill bamboo but not all of us are gifted with a green thumb sooo stfu!) so I’d rather not watch something else wither and die. I also love trees and refuse to contribute to something as absurd as a card when I can just send an e-card for free.

But this whole fellow thing is quite new to me. I wasn’t looking for anyone. Honestly. It wasn’t that I had given up, I just stopped caring. That is in bold because I swear on all the chocolate hearts in the world that the SECOND you stop caring you send of this vibe to the opposite sex (or same sex, whatever your flavor) and their heads perk up, their eyes zoom in on you and some even may begin to fondle their genitals.

Hey, I ‘m just being honest.


Yeah. Life. A strange a peculiar journey I am beginning to love more and more. The twists and turns sometimes leave me spinning, but quite honestly, I love it. How can you enjoy the sweet with out the bitter? A good cry is awfully therapeutic and laughing until you wet yourself is always a good story to open with when meeting someone new.

Or that could just be me.

But I am happy. SO HA! DOUBLE HA! TRIPLE HA! I’ve never been in this situation. Sure I’ve dated before and been in a long-term relationshit but… I’ve never been with someone who was this thoughtful. I’ve actually poked him quite hard in the chest which prompted a baffled grunt and a raised eyebrow. I just smiled but I was secretly thinking

“You just can’t be real so if you’re a delusion I’d rather stay lost in my mind cause this rules.”

Who ever said romance was dead? But yeah, to all you bitter betty’s and mushy molly’s: I do hope that you have a good day and revel in our cultures ability to turn murder into romance. Just look at Romeo and Juliet. If you think that story is romantic I will bitchslap the SHIT out of you. If you need to ask why…

Please, please re-read it and THINK about it. Well, this certainly isn’t my favorite post but hell, it’s something. If you want to read one about my boobs vs a book read my myspace one. It may make you laugh.

That is all. Carry on!