November 28, 2012

I See Dead Cats

This morning a man passing by me on the street greeted me with “Hola muerta”. That means “Hello death”. Now, I will admit that I wear a lot of black but I know that I don’t scowl or look that menacing so what the bloody fuck? But this of course got my brain a-churning and I started thinking about parapsychology (that’s totally related…), something I’ve always been interested in. I firmly believe that there is a scientific explanation for what we believe is a haunting. In fact, I came up with a theory that I thought was all my own but last night I discovered that I am not the first one to ponder this.

This actually happens a lot. I think I’m all original and smart and then I find out that really I’m not the first person to think of my revolutionary theories. Like before I discovered Descartes I wondered about the nature of consciousness and what exactly that meant and the connection to the senses and so on. Then I took a philosophy class and was all “mother fucker”.

Here is “my” theory on what a ghost is. So, if we take into account the first law of thermodynamics (that energy can neither be created nor destroyed) and Einstein’s E=MC2 our body runs on energy and the energy that propels the brain can’t really “disappear” or be destroyed when we die. I know that there are some discrepancies with this because of the law of conservation that states,

“The particles were found subject to annihilation in which matter particles (such as electrons) can be converted to non-matter (such as photons of electromagnetic radiation), or even into potential energy or kinetic energy. Matter could also be created out of kinetic or other types of energy, in the process of matter creation. Thus, matter (defined as ponderable matter particles) was found not to be conserved.” 

BUT, dying wouldn’t destroy the energy, because to annihilate the electrons you’d need an outside source whose sole purpose is to destroy. Also, if you look at string theory, everything is made up of energy (I’m saying this in REAL basic terms) and our body is just kind of a shell that takes in what’s already there, when we die that energy would just be released back to the world. There are theories that when someone experiences a very strong emotion, you “leak energy” and (in a way) stain what’s around you. When some dies violently or there is a strong feeling of sadness that can remain. So can positive emotions but it seems people are more susceptible to the negative energy as it feels more unnatural so they concentrate more on that. Also, I think that different people run on different wavelengths and are more sensitive to certain energies. That could explain psychics.

So yeah, I thought I was all smart for figuring this out but it turns out this theory was already proposed in the 1970’s. It’s called the Stone Tape theory. I just linked to it because I’m lazy and it basically says what I stated above but without all the physics and scientific stuff. But the catalyst that made me so interested in it were things that I’ve seen and felt.

So, without further ado, here is something that makes me believe I’m on a different wavelength (I already know I’m crazy. Diagnosed even) is that… I’ve seen dead cats. I shit you not. I’ve also experienced scary shit and have known things about a place that I was never told BUT the cat experiences really stick out cause, as I’m sure you’re thinking, it’s weird as fuck. Here is an example. A friend of mine had just moved into a new apartment and had a roommate. She invited me over to meet her and we all bonded and got “enlightened via herbs” (this was ages ago in case a future employer is reading this…). I started hearing meowing noises and thought nothing of it because the window was open so I just assumed it was coming from the alley. But then I felt something by my feet. You know when cats do a figure 8 around your feet? Well that’s what I felt. I looked down and there was nothing there so at this point I was kinda like… whoa, I’m too stoned. But then out of the corner of my eye I saw a long-haired calico cat dart into the hallway. I then asked the roommate if she had a cat and she promptly burst into tears. Apparently her cat of 17 years had just died the month before. She had never mentioned a cat up until this point and there were NO pictures of said cat. I then reluctantly asked if the cat had happened to be a long-haired calico cat and she stared at me astonished and got out a photo album. Yeap, it was the cat I saw.

So yeah, I can’t solve murders but I can see dead cats. Awesome. That’s like being a superhero but being Aquaman. This has happened quite a few times but a lot less now that I’m on medication. I have a few theories about that buuuuut because this entry is a book long, we’ll leave that for another time.

I see dead cats. /Haley Joel Osment voice.

November 27, 2012

Ummm Hello Again

I have written a million blogs. Seriously. Buuut they’re all in my head. I constantly have an inner monologue that proclaims and discovers so many amazing things about life, love, myself, my crazy, etc., but when I sit down to write (or type) them out my brain is all “HAR HAR HAR FUCK YOU”. Here’s an example of my mental dialogue.

Me: Brain, you thought of so many insightful things. I’m going to sit down and write a blog, ok?

Brain: Fuck you.

Me: … What? Why?

Brain: What have you done for me lately?

Me: Uhhhh breathing isn’t enough?

Brain: I control that smartass. Seriously though, what have you done for me?

Me: I constantly feed you knowledge! I read, I challenge you with new knowledge and situations!

Brain: Yeah but we both know that you don’t even like a majority of what you’re “challenged” with.

Me: What do you mean?

Brain: Dude, seriously? Let me list them. 1. You hate your job. Waking up everyday to go to something we BOTH despise doesn’t exactly inspire me to be cooperative. 2. How’s that gym membership? OH YEAH YOU DON’T HAVE ONE. 3. Pretty much everything you say you’re going to do, you don’t.

Me: Hey! That’s not fair! You don’t exactly help out with that! Motivation is something we BOTH struggle with. AND I need the job for money. You know, the thing that WOULD PAY FOR A GYM MEMBERSHIP, FOOD, RENT, AND TOLIET PAPER.

Brain: Hey man, the toilet paper is for your ass, not me.

Ass: I’m staying out of this ya’ll. I have enough shit to deal with. HA! GET IT?

Me &  Brain: Shut up.

And so on. I do have a basic plan of how to change my life BUT it’s going to take years. Seriously. That’s NOT an excuse. In fact, I can show you a timeline.

1. Get a US passport. I need this in order to apply for dual citizenship (stupid and strange, I know). They now cost $165 and the turn around time is about 2 months. I can’t afford it until January because I’m going to buy my parents a laptop for Christmas (I am the Best. Daughter. Ever. ). So that takes us into about March of 2013.

2. Go to City College and see how close I am to getting my Associates Degree. I know that I’m close and I also know that (the last time I saw a counselor, this is what she told me) I have to go to the head of the English department, math department, and science department to show them that I’ve already fulfilled the requirements for each of them. Then I need to sign up for any remaining classes to finish up the degree. That would take a semester. So that takes us into May of 2013 OR December of 2013 as the classes I need may already be filled.

3. Apply for Canadian citizenship. I called the Embassy and this can take up to 1 year. I can’t do that until I get my passport so this takes us into 2014.

4. Start applying to colleges in Canada and hope to GOD I get into one of them. My dream situation would be to get into the University of British Columbia to get my bachelors and then go to McGill for my masters. I’d also have to apply for loans and scholarships for this and I’ve never done that before so yeah. NEW CHALLENGES BRAIN, YOU HEAR THAT?

So IF I’M LUCKY, I’ll be “on track” at the end of 2014. Which means 2 more years of a job that makes me want to rip peoples faces off and use them for dart target practice. GOOD TIMES.

But the world is “going to end on December 21st” so maybe this plan will never come to fruition. TIME TO BRING ON THE HOOKERS AND BLOW.