Ummm Hello Again

I have written a million blogs. Seriously. Buuut they’re all in my head. I constantly have an inner monologue that proclaims and discovers so many amazing things about life, love, myself, my crazy, etc., but when I sit down to write (or type) them out my brain is all “HAR HAR HAR FUCK YOU”. Here’s an example of my mental dialogue.

Me: Brain, you thought of so many insightful things. I’m going to sit down and write a blog, ok?

Brain: Fuck you.

Me: … What? Why?

Brain: What have you done for me lately?

Me: Uhhhh breathing isn’t enough?

Brain: I control that smartass. Seriously though, what have you done for me?

Me: I constantly feed you knowledge! I read, I challenge you with new knowledge and situations!

Brain: Yeah but we both know that you don’t even like a majority of what you’re “challenged” with.

Me: What do you mean?

Brain: Dude, seriously? Let me list them. 1. You hate your job. Waking up everyday to go to something we BOTH despise doesn’t exactly inspire me to be cooperative. 2. How’s that gym membership? OH YEAH YOU DON’T HAVE ONE. 3. Pretty much everything you say you’re going to do, you don’t.

Me: Hey! That’s not fair! You don’t exactly help out with that! Motivation is something we BOTH struggle with. AND I need the job for money. You know, the thing that WOULD PAY FOR A GYM MEMBERSHIP, FOOD, RENT, AND TOLIET PAPER.

Brain: Hey man, the toilet paper is for your ass, not me.

Ass: I’m staying out of this ya’ll. I have enough shit to deal with. HA! GET IT?

Me &  Brain: Shut up.

And so on. I do have a basic plan of how to change my life BUT it’s going to take years. Seriously. That’s NOT an excuse. In fact, I can show you a timeline.


1. Get a US passport. I need this in order to apply for dual citizenship (stupid and strange, I know). They now cost $165 and the turn around time is about 2 months. I can’t afford it until January because I’m going to buy my parents a laptop for Christmas (I am the Best. Daughter. Ever. ). So that takes us into about March of 2013.

2. Go to City College and see how close I am to getting my Associates Degree. I know that I’m close and I also know that (the last time I saw a counselor, this is what she told me) I have to go to the head of the English department, math department, and science department to show them that I’ve already fulfilled the requirements for each of them. Then I need to sign up for any remaining classes to finish up the degree. That would take a semester. So that takes us into May of 2013 OR December of 2013 as the classes I need may already be filled.

3. Apply for Canadian citizenship. I called the Embassy and this can take up to 1 year. I can’t do that until I get my passport so this takes us into 2014.

4. Start applying to colleges in Canada and hope to GOD I get into one of them. My dream situation would be to get into the University of British Columbia to get my bachelors and then go to McGill for my masters. I’d also have to apply for loans and scholarships for this and I’ve never done that before so yeah. NEW CHALLENGES BRAIN, YOU HEAR THAT?

So IF I’M LUCKY, I’ll be “on track” at the end of 2014. Which means 2 more years of a job that makes me want to rip peoples faces off and use them for dart target practice. GOOD TIMES.

But the world is “going to end on December 21st” so maybe this plan will never come to fruition. TIME TO BRING ON THE HOOKERS AND BLOW.

Music Discovery: Sucre

I just discovered this awesome band via A Beautiful Mess which is one of my FAVORITE blogs. Elsie Larson is one of my many muses and a bit of an inspiration for me.

I AM TOTALLY NOT JEALOUS, TOTALLY NOT.

<_<
>_>

Ok, I am. But how can you not be?

Self Discipline HAR HAR HAR

Yeah. Self discipline. Clearly I am an avid follower.

2011 took over my life in a real messed up way and the end of it kinda hit me like a rabid kid beating on a pinata. Very few people I know had a good 2011. My good friend had her house burn down, and the bar she worked at closed down. I had my purse stolen which wouldn't really be a big deal except all of the material I was collecting for stand up was in a notebook, IN the purse. Then I had a cancer scare (NO BIG DEAL HAR HAR HAR) and then broke my foot and pretty much missed all the holidays. I also was warned that it was highly likely that I was going to get fired. This sent me into panic mode and had me planning to move back to WI then possible to Vancouver. Then 2012 rolled around and (crosses fingers and prays to whatever there is that I'm not jinxing it) so far… really good. Met a dude that still wanted to hang out with me even though new year's included a wonderful array of stomach splattering pyrotechnics from yours truly.

Goooooood times.

I'm back at work and while I know I'm on thin ice, so far so good. Unfortunately my possible kick to the ass was more so the fault of a developer I'm working with, it was still my responsibility to manage the project and I should have recognized that it was somewhat tanking.

Also in 2011, I pretty much lost passion for any creative endeavor, as proof with my keeping up with this blog. However, I did take an improv class and did a performance which was AWESOMESAUCE but then I started working 50 to 60 hours a week and my brain gave me the finger and was all "You think I have energy to be funny? How's this for funny, cunt?" So I just kinda shut down. I also haven't written a short story in a year which for me is real bad. Writing is pretty much the only passion that ever stuck with me and the fact I haven't actively pursued it makes me feel like I cut off a limb. I still am taking photos but due to my lack of energy and self discipline, that has waned as well.

Sooooo now that my oh-so-horrible problems are out and about, time to stop being a whiny bitch and do something about it, yeah?

I'm Back Bitches

After a very long absence I shall be returning to the world of blogging. My life kinda imploded with work and a fuck ton of weird happenings. I haven't really written anything in a year and I need to kick my own ass to start again.

SO, if anyone actually still reads this.... hello again! lol

I WILL be updating at least once a week cause I plan to start making A LOT of ch-ch-changes in my life. Mainly enforcing that whole self discipline thing that I am OHHH so good at.

So WOOTZLE!!

Now for some Max Normal TV




Herrrrreeee we go!!

2011 = Change

I’ve been super absent from my blog lately due to some momentous changes in my life. It’s a bit hard to write this because I had so many other ideas for entries but I’d like to put what I feel in writing as it makes it a bit more real. So, a recap:

• In December I moved out of the apartment I lived in with my boyfriend for over a year. I moved into a studio in the Mission district of San Francisco which is where I have wanted to live for a very long time. I love my studio and it has become my home, my haven. I must admit it’s awesome to have complete decorating control. I’ve already reached the point of making it my own so that when people walk in they know it’s my place as it is so very Heather lol. Pictures will be posted as my sister has threatened me with bodily harm if I don’t. Plus I’m actually quite proud of it. My boyfriend moved in with his grandma in Alameda to save some money and we finished completely moving out of our apartment last week. Our walk through was on the 31st so we truly started the new year fresh.

• Earlier this week my boss let me know that was resigning. This is substantial in that he has become like a second dad to me. He was there for me when very few people were and quite honestly there were times where I really should have been terminated but he believed in me enough to ride out the rough times. This also means the dynamic of my workplace will change significantly. I am going to have to step up my game as I know I do quite a lot but I know I can do more and do better.

• Last night my boyfriend of almost 2 years I broke up. It was completely mutual and no hearts were broken. But it’s still hard in the sense that for awhile I truly thought that this was it. This was the last person I’d date. Perhaps everyone feels that in a relationship at one time or another. He’s going to be moving to Portland later this year so our relationship was going to end at one point or another. We also had been growing apart for quite awhile. But I regret nothing and would take nothing back. I have learned so much from him and this relationship. I learned that I could be loved and I deserved it. I learned what I would accept and when it was too much. We will continue to be friends and for that I am grateful because I still love him albeit in a different way then when we started. I know that he has learned a lot as well and that makes me incredibly happy. That’s what a close of a relationship should be. Don’t focus on the end; focus on the journey that got you there. The good, the bad, it was all worth it. This song pretty much incorporates everything I feel in a beautiful way, except for the broken heart part, obviously lol. However, this relationship has made my heart much, much stronger.

I will be posting a lot more due to the fact that I will FINALLY be getting the interweb in my new place tomorrow. It’s also part of my new year’s resolution as I have been inspired by all the amazing blogs I follow. I’m not even sure if anyone reads this anymore but I plan to add a lot more stuff and things.

So yeah, 2011 has started off with a hell of a bang. I am a little apprehensive to see where this year will take me but I have a feeling that it will be full of changes for the better. Mostly in myself. Woot!