So, as I stated once before I’d like this blog to be more about my external life than my mental. If you’ve read any of my entries you can pretty much roll your eyes at that statement.
Apparently I’m pretty self absorbed like most people that write a blog self absorbed. NOW WAIT! Before you freak out about that statement lets look up what the definition of self absorption is shall we? Lets go on an information adventure!!
1 self-absorbed, self-involved
absorbed in your own interests or thoughts etc
There, see?! It’s not a NEGATIVE term. It just means that I find my mental vomit amusing and hell, if you’re reading this, so do you…. cue Mister T’s “I pity the fool”.
HA!! *ducks smack for self deprecation comment*
I knoowwwwwwwww that I hide behind humor. Duh. It’s my coping mechanism, my defense mechanism and the key to my heart BUT I also know that sometimes it’s not so good. So, anyway on to the existential point of this post.
Look at a leaf. Any leaf. A maple leaf, an oak leaf. Any leaf from any where. Concentrate on the colors. At first glance you may think it’s just green like any other leaf but look CLOSER. You’ll find some yellow swirled in there or perhaps some orange.
Now, look at your skin. Look at the colors and the veins blended together to create your unique shade.
Dude, how can we NOT be self absorbed? Humans are fucking amazing. We created society, we’ve created arguments about how *we* created society. We’ve created Gods, Goddesses, worlds even. Yet whenever someone uses the term “self absorbed” we cringe and immediately try and focus on something external to prove that we can think about something other than ourselves.
Here’s my conundrum.
If you’re thinking about yourself or pondering how YOU think things through I really don’t think that’s a bad thing.
NOOOOOOW WAIT A SECOND. I’m not saying that constantly thinking about yourself is a good thing. Hell I know it’s a bad thing. That’s part of how I’ve crippled myself. I finally understand the term self conscious. I thought I did before but I really didn’t. I am so self conscious I am self absorbed. I am constantly thinking about how I am perceived. I am putting thoughts in other peoples heads. I am thinking of myself all. the. time.
Or, at least I *was*.
I’m getting better at smacking down that insolent voice that’s all snarky from the dark recesses of my brain cutting me down and making me sputter back comments while frantically trying to see if anything is wrong with me. Why does anyone cut themselves down? There are enough fucktards in the world that relish doing it for you.
Anyway - I believe that if you are trying to figure out how your brain works you deserve a pat on the back and a treat of some kind. You are doing something that not many people stop to do. Once you figure out how you work, you can start the fun task of thinking about how other people work. Now THERE’S a fascinating subject that will never, ever be explained.
The only person we can ever truly know is ourselves sooooo peeps, I say lets listen to Apollo’s Oracle and start getting to know ourselves. I mean, technically we’re only following our own advice, yeah? And how old is this advice?
Let’s get crackalacking. WOO WOO.
Yes, I am aware the sense is lacking here in this smattering of words but hell, who knows maybe there is sense here, just not the kind you’re used to using….
OHHH OHHH I’M MAKING YOU THINK AREN’T I?