June 13, 2008

Thou Shalt Not Drunk While Text

Yeah. We’ve allllll done it. You’re drinking in a bar with your friends and you start thinking about someone and you get this urge to text that someone. Maybe you’re horny, maybe you miss a friend, maybe your being over analytical and should put the fucking phone down. But do you? No, no, no. You keep on texting them and digging a hole that will eventually lead to China.

I have thought up an idea that will make MILLIONS. Bars should buy dozens of little spider monkeys and train them to steal people’s phones if they start texting people. The monkeys would then deliver them to the bartender or a designated monkey person and you would have to explain who you’re texting and why and if it’s something that will lead you to flog yourself the next morning the person can just call you a cab and you pick up your phone the next day. Yeah so basically I want to hold someone else responsible. I take it back; this is a bad plan…


If you couldn’t already tell I took it upon myself to add drama and discord to my already convoluted life. My foot is so far in my mouth, it’s coming out my ass. UGH!!! So there is this dude I am… seeing (?) and because of that question mark I decided to say that I wanted to end it because I was beginning to like him too much. DUMB DUMB DUMB. First of all doing it in a text is BEYOND lame. Second, now he knows that I really like him and I am now vulnerable. Thirdly I should have just TALKED to him. I, of course, sent a text backtracking this morning and I even called myself out on the backtracking but… GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Holy shit, I just discovered a method of time traveling. It’s called alcohol and I mentally put myself back to high school. Gooooo me!

The logical voice in my head is sitting back with its arms crossed and shaking its head while the illogical voice is all “What?”

Well, one more blog and I reach my goal for the week… that’s good, right?


Meh. I know, it could be worse...


Mace Elaine said...

Go here: http://queserasera.org/images/favorite_things.html
And scroll down to Emancipatia. You need one of her.

And Jesus, just stop talking to them both. It's better for you in the long run.

The Crofts said...

ah mace, well said. just dump both of 'em. flat out.

i know this will be taken in your super-awkward way, but you're way too awesome to not be respected.

Roller shoes said...

good post,thank you for share